Overcoming Gridlock in Marriage

I focused on gridlock and how this class has helped me learn how to overcome gridlock in relationships. In the reading from Gottman he says, “You’ll know you’ve reached a gridlock if: 1. You’ve had the same argument again and again with no resolution.

2. Neither of you can address the issue with humor, empathy, or affection.

3. The issue is becoming increasingly polarizing as time goes on.

4. Compromise seems impossible because it would mean selling out---giving up something important and core to your beliefs, values, or sense of self.’ (Gottman, 236-237)

 Gridlock happens in every relationship at least once. No two people are going to agree on the same thing every day that just doesn’t happen. Relationships take work and sacrifice. When gridlock happens the best you can do is try to remain calm when you’re in the heat of a moment.

I remember a time when I was sick and tired of picking up after my husband and I told him so. He snapped right back at me and said, “You are worse than I am.” So instead of talking about it, we just ignored one another. After a while, I asked him if we could talk about our situation and change our attitudes and think of ways we could help each other.

Some ways to unlock the gridlock in your marriage are:  “Become a dream detector.

                                                   Work on gridlocked marital issues.

                                                    Soothe each other.

                                                    End the gridlock.

“Be patient with the process and each other. By their very nature, these problems are tenacious. To loosen their grip on your marriage will take commitment and faith on both your parts.” (Gotman, 259)

“John Gottman has made interesting discoveries about that 20% that we don’t like. He as discovered that approximately 70% of what we don’t like will never change. We can feel mad about this. We can feel cheated. But heaven seems to have constructed that percentage and it is not likely to change. The only way to get partners to change that 30% is by enjoying them the way they are!”  (Goddard, 126-27)  We need to look for the good in our spouses and appreciate it. We can love them with all of our hearts and  “on that holy day our knees will humbly bow and our tongues gladly confess that Jesus is the Christ---the one who save our souls, changes our hearts, and rescues our relationships.” (Goddard, 149)

This book helped me a lot as I focused my relationships more on the gospel. This book taught so many great principles and I have noticed and increase in my relationships. You can apply these principles to any relationship family, spouse, friends anyone.

References

Goddard, H.W. (2009). Drawing heaven into marriage. Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap.

Gottman, J.M., Silver N. (2015). The Seven principles for making marriage work. New York, NY: Harmony Books.