Appreciating Our Spouses

Appreciating our spouses in our marriages is more powerful than correcting them. “Appreciation inflates the tires on which we travel. Criticism is a slow leak in those tires” (Goddard, 2009). As a husband honors his wife, her opinions and feelings, he will be able to earn a place in the driver’s seat of his marriage. It takes two to make or break a marriage. Both wives and husbands need to treat each other with honor and respect. “Today’s culture teaches a very different lesson from traditional wisdom: We now hear it is noble and worthy to focus on our own needs. It is our first obligation” (Goddard, 2009). This has to do with pride. Pride lets us think that “we honestly believe that we understand our partners/spouses and what makes them tick. We presume to understand their thoughts, motives, and intent better than even they themselves do” (Goddard, 2009). “Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves. Selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride. (Benson, 1989) Pride is a sin and it is universal. The way to give up our self-sufficiency is to turn ourselves to God and repent. Marriages may become unbearable to the point that couples may want to leave, but as we repent, we can repair. “Any time we become irritated with our spouses, that irritation is not an invitation to call our spouses to repentance but an invitation to call ourselves to repent. Irritation can be our friend. It alerts us to the risk of blisters when we sense a pebble in our shoes. In marriage, irritation serves the vital function of alerting us that something we are doing (or feeling or saying) is creating a sore.” (Goddard, 2009)

John M. Gottman says, “men who allow their wives to influence them have happier relationships and are less likely to divorce. When a man is not willing to share power with his partner there is an 81% chance that his marriage will self-destruct.” If negativity becomes a part of the relationship, the pebbles that are in our shoes, causing blisters, will begin to bleed. We do not have to let the irritations accumulate and form ruthless gangs that will savage our love for each other.”

Benson, Ezra T., Beware of Pride, Ensign May 1989.

Goddard, H. Wallace, PhD., Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage. 2009

Gottman, John M., PhD., the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. 1999.