Marriage and Divorce

 Elder Oaks said about a good marriage, “A good marriage does not require a perfect man or a perfect woman. It only requires a man and a woman committed to strive together toward perfection.” None of us are perfect. We have everyday to begin over again, if we have offended one another. Elder Oaks said this, that I liked, too. “Now I speak to married members, especially to any who may be considering divorce. I strongly urge you and those who advise you to face up to the reality that for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation. Divorce is not an all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache. A broad-based international study of the levels of happiness before and after “major life events” found that, on average, persons are far more successful in recovering their level of happiness after the death of a spouse than after a divorce. Spouses who hope that divorce will resolve conflicts often find that it aggravates them, since the complexities that follow divorce—especially where there are children—generate new conflicts. Think first of the children.”
“Each married couple should work together to be worthy of the blessings of eternal marriage. If you are married and you and your spouse are experiencing difficulties, remember that the remedy for most marriage stress is not in divorce or separation. The remedy is found in the gospel of Jesus Christ—in repentance, forgiveness, integrity, and love. It is found in treating your spouse as you would like to be treated (see Matthew 7:12). As you work to resolve difficulties, you may want to go together to seek counsel from your bishop or branch president.”  
When Elder Oaks said that we need to repent, I feel that is true. His suggestion is one that may be hard to do, but so worthwhile. “Don’t treasure up past wrongs, reprocessing them again and again. In a marriage relationship, festering is destructive; forgiving is divine (see D&C 64:9–10). Plead for the guidance of the Spirit of the Lord to forgive wrongs (as President Faust has just taught us so beautifully), to overcome faults, and to strengthen relationships.”
I have never thought about divorcing my husband, but we have had conflicts which have been hurtful to me. But, when we have kneeled together and pleaded for forgiveness of each other, I have felt the healing power of the Atonement, comforting us. I know it has brought us closer to each other and to the Lord.