A Heavenly Marriage

Transcript_ Elder Joseph Wirthlin 2007 General ... (172.12 KB)

What can we do to have a happy marriage? “When we understand God’s purposes for marriage, we are more likely to feel blessed by it. Enduring and having a soul-filling happiness in marriage is found by actively living the principles of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.” (Goddard, 2007) But, those who are actively living the principles of the gospel, can have marital upsets. We are all human, but we need to learn to give and take and talk about what is upsetting us. In “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work,” John M. Gottman, Ph.D., tells us about what kinds of things can drag a marriage down. He calls them, The Four Horsemen. He says, “Usually these four horsemen clip-clop into the heart of a marriage in the following order: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.” The first one, criticism, expresses negative feelings about the spouse’s character. The second one, contempt, is a form of disrespect and can include sarcasm. I dislike sarcasm and if I hear it, I just leave the room. The third one is being defensive. This “horsemen’ just escalates the conflict and can be very deadly in a marriage. The last one is stonewalling. This is where the spouse will tune out. According to Dr. Gottman, this behavior is more common in men, than women. How can we avoid these conflicts? “Jesus Christ is our model, we can respond to conflicts by asking our spouses/partners to join us in solving the problem.” (Goddard, 2007) Our journey in life will have obstacles, just as in the story of the Good Samaritan. The traveler “fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. And by chance there came a certain Samaritan and when he saw him, he had compassion on him.” Oh, how I love this part. “many of us find it easier to minister to the stranger than we do to our own family (our spouses).” (Goddard, 2007) From Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, “a story was told about an elderly man and woman who had been married for many decades. Because the wife was slowly losing her sight, she could no longer take care of herself the way she had done for so many years. Without being asked, the husband began to paint her fingernails for her. “He knew that she could see her fingernails when she held them close to her eyes, at just the right angle, and they made her smile. He liked to see her happy, so he kept painting her nails for more than five years before she passed away.” That is an example of the pure love of Christ. Sometimes the greatest love is not found in the dramatic scenes that poets and writers immortalize. Often, the greatest manifestations of love are the simple acts of kindness and caring we extend to those we meet along the path of life. True love lasts forever. It is eternally patient and forgiving. It believes, hopes, and endures all things. That is the love our Heavenly Father bears for us. We all yearn to experience love like this. Even when we make mistakes, we hope others will love us in spite of our shortcomings—even if we don’t deserve it.” This is how marriage should be, to be kind and respectful of each other. If differences arise, we need to work them out with love for the other person. This is what I desire for my marriage. Gottman, John M. Ph.D. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Goddard, Wallace H. Ph.D. (2007). Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage.